For more than a year, I think, I have had a commitment to post every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. For more than a year, I did that faithfully. For more than a year I gave on every day I intended to give.
And, in the last two weeks, I failed twice. Bad.
As Ruth was leaving both of us tried to think of the amazing productivity that would come from the trip. Ruth would be totally free to engage and help the people in Pakistan. I would be totally free to write and work and visit. But it hasn’t turned out that way, has it?
It’s almost as if there is a shaking of motivation. As I sit down to write, the environment is perfect. There is silence in my house. Or, if I’m going to the library, there is no need for me to be home anytime. There is nothing to pull my attention away from my work. And, yet, I seem slightly less productive than I am with a house full of wife and children, each deserving their due amount of attention from me. Why? Why am I not winning amazingly?
It almost seems like a problem with motivation. Time to work! Why? Why should I work when there is no Ruth, Joe or Asha in my life? Why produce? Why benefit others? Why?
But we’ve recognized the issue. And now we’re moving forward. Each part of life is a test, yes? So I’ll pass it, eventually. And, I think, by the time I’m really doing well, my family will drop from the sky into my lap again, the reward of my labours.
Peace, and sorry for the lack of Friday posts these weeks!
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