Matt W Cook

writer.former fundamentalist.christianly fellow
June 18, 2010

Six Years Ago…

Six years ago I married a funny girl from Pakistan. I count it as one of my better decisions.

I try not to brag about the things that I’m good at. Bragging does not tend toward good relationships. But if I am going to brag about one thing, it will be about the quality of my marriage. With no word of a lie, I have not encountered a marriage as fun, happy, peaceful and exciting as mine. And I don’t say that sentimentally. I mean it. We are good at marriage. And, as with anything you can excel at, we have employed tactics that have made our marriage the best we’ve ever seen. Here they are:

  • A center on Jesus-philosophy. Not just Jesus ethic. Not just Jesus spirituality. Not just Jesus community. Jesus everything. A Jesus philosophy of life. His ethic shows us how to be kind. His spirituality enables us to pull it off. His community keeps our relationship great. The sermon on the mount informs practically all our marriage-related choices. And it works.
  • Being undignified. Dignified people have crappy marriages. I’m sorry, but it’s true. A person with dignity won’t dance in the rain with his wife. A person with dignity won’t play in the mud with his kids. A person with dignity can’t apologize quickly. A person with dignity can’t be a servant. And if you can’t do those things, you can’t have fun with your marriage. Thankfully, neither Ruth not I have any dignity that I can see.
  • Owning each other’s dreams. I think I’ve talked about this before. It’s one of the most important, and most neglected, aspects of marriage. Ruth is passionate about some things. I’m passionate about other things. We don’t expect each other to have that same passion or understanding. But we are both willing to take ownership of the other’s dreams. We are willing to work and sweat for each other’s dreams. And that kills conflict dead.
  • Dancing. As a family we often crank the music up and dance till we collapse. And we discovered that you cannot really be upset at a person trying hard to moonwalk. You just can’t.
  • Laughing at problems. In the words of the Joker, “Why so serious?” Too much seriousness will cripple a marriage. Most spouses take themselves far too seriously. If you cannot laugh or be laughed at, you will find marriage hard. When you laugh at your problems, they tend to lose their power. Seriously, they do. Try it!
  • A refusal to be malicious. We have noticed roots of malice in many marriages. And, as far as we can tell, a marriage with malice is a failed marriage. If you let that demon into your house, it will eat your soul. Kill it. Or it will kill you.
  • Empathy. There are always struggles that Ruth will have that I cannot understand, just because I’m a guy, or because I’m dumb. And that’s fine. It becomes unfine when I refuse to empathize with the things I don’t get. Like when she jumps on the couch when she sees a mouse. I don’t get that. But I empathize with it. I imagine what she must feel like if she jumps up on the couch like that. And, even though I couldn’t care less about a mouse in the house, since it affects her, I take it on myself. And she does the same for the things about me that she can’t quite understand.

  • Discontent. That’s right, discontent. If you are content your marriage will suffer for it. Content means enough. Content means settling. And I don’t like to settle. My marriage is the best one I’ve ever seen. But I’m not content with it just yet. I’m not content with the level of love I’ve attained. I’m not content with the massive level of peace and joy Ruth and I share. I want more. And I mean to get more. And so I’ll never settle. I’ll never sit back and say “Ah, now I have what I needed.” More, baby, yeah!

  • Openness. Cliche, I know, but true. I can tell Ruth anything. She tells me anything. There is no judging in my house. There is never a time when Ruth thinks less of me for a thing I’ve done or an opinion I hold. And so I am safe in my house, as is Ruth.

    • I feel like I could go on forever. So many wonderful tactics have come together to make my marriage the best I’ve ever seen. Marriage, I think, is whatever you make it to be. A lot of people have called it hell. Mine is like a little bit of heaven, and every year is the best one. So no matter when you see me, you can know that you are seeing me during the best year of my life.

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    June 16, 2010

    Things I Wonder

    Sometimes I just sit there and I wonder.

  • I wonder what would happen if the Church today made a point of sharing all their resources and living in close quarters like the Church did when the Spirit and the Apostles were running the show. Would things be better?
  • I wonder what would happen if the Church stopped spending 75% of its money on buildings, pastors and insurance and spent it on fighting destitution like the early Church did. Would we really wipe out poverty like the economists say we would?
  • I wonder what would happen if missionaries dropped their titles and benefits and tried making disciples instead of converts. Would more people start following Jesus?
  • I wonder what would happen if I really did sell everything superfluous and gave it to the poor. Would my life really be permanently hindered for lack of things?
  • I wonder what would happen if I tried to embrace Paul as he says “You are saved by faith alone” and James when he said “You are not saved by faith alone.” Would my brain explode?
  • I wonder what would happen if we sold the church building and used the money to save starving kids. Would we still get together on Sundays?
  • I wonder if we stopped being missionaries, and starting just living in strange countries and, while there, spread love and Jesus around. Would that be enough?
  • I wonder if the many things I own are good for me, or bad. Would Jesus have bought all the toys in my house?
  • I wonder what would happen if I tried to live out the Sermon on the Mount instead of trying to explain why it couldn’t possibly mean what it seems to mean. Would that be so bad?
  • I wonder what would happen if I stopped wondering and put these things to the test. Would I win?
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    June 14, 2010

    When You Don’t Want What You Want

    Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever been overtaken by a dream so vast and shiny that it becomes nearly all you ever think about? A dream that is attainable, for sure, if not for that one problem you face every time you sit down to carry it out.

    You just don’t want to do it.

    And who can blame you? There are so many other things in the world that you could be doing. Reading books. Playing games. Sitting in a soft chair staring off into the abyss of the nether-realm. Lots to do.

    And the dream tickles and pokes you from behind. “Hey! Look at me!” it says. “You said you loved me, so where are you?”
    “I’m right here, I just don’t feel like drawing you into existence just yet,” you say as you fill your mouth with candy.
    “When, then?”
    “In a minute.” But in a minute you’ve passed out, and when you awake you have nearly forgotten your dream.

    What gives? Why don’t we want to do what we want to do? Or, better yet, how can we want it?

    I don’t really know, but I have some guesses. For whatever they’re worth, here they are.

  • Discipline is the price of freedom. That’s an old adage that has clung to me since college. The truth of it seems stronger every day. Without discipline, you’ll never get out of the chair. The trick is getting it. Wooing discipline is like trying to flirt with a nun.
  • Remind yourself of why you love your dream. When you can’t seem to work up the will to work, close your eyes and imagine the day when the work is done. In fact, take a second and do it now. Nice, eh? That could actually happen, y’know. Fall back in love with the dream.
  • Look at the next step only. I once heard that imaginative people are the worst procrastinators because they can very clearly imagine all the work required to finish a project. And that drains. So quit looking at the whole thing. Just look at what needs to be done today. Look at tomorrow’s stuff tomorrow.
  • Stay in shape. The body and mind and spirit are all woven together in a beautiful and frustrating dance. When one goes, they all go. So jog or something. And stay away from the donuts!
  • Do it now. Quit planning. You don’t need to plan nearly as much as you want to. Good plans are useful, but not nearly as useful as doing the work. So just do it. Now. Don’t worry, this blog will still be here when you’re done.
  • Don’t be perfect. They always say ‘Anything worth doing is worth doing well.’ True enough. But anything worth doing is also worth doing is also worth doing half-arsed, too. Better a shoddy dream that lives than a perfect dream that’s dead. Besides, with most things you can always go back and tweak it when you’re done.
  • Stop talking to others about it. We want others to endorse our dreams. And so we blab and tell them. But the response we get is almost never what we’re looking for. In fact, it seems that most people can’t understand our dreams. And why should they? The dreams are yours and yours alone! So keep it to yourself, or a small group who thinks like you, and truck on!
  • Enjoy it. I often don’t know how to do this. But having it as a goal in my head seems to help a little. Enjoy your work. Enjoy building your dream. Heck, if you can pull that off, you won’t need to worry about any other strategy.

    PS – Congratulations to Eric and Alex Edwards who won the shameless contest. Send me an email letting me know which book you want and it’ll be shipped out to you pronto!

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    June 11, 2010

    Statement of Faith[fulness]

    I was a bit of a punk in Bible college. If you knew me well during that time you’d probably agree. I was high on theology, I think. My drug of choice was Calvinism mixed with a bias against anything popular. Not so good, looking back.

    Whenever I was introduced to a new ministry or organization I would look it up in order to decide whether I liked it or not. How would I make that choice? Was it by looking at what they did? Was it by finding out how they had made a difference in the world? No, of course not. It was by checking out their statement of faith. The closer it was to what I had already decided was true (I had all of theology figured out back then) the better I liked it.

    I look back at all that and I realize I was looking at the wrong things. I wonder, now, how I could have possibly thought that a statement of faith would have been able to tell me anything useful about a group or person. Isn’t a life of faithfulness better than being right about the inner working of the Trinity? So I had an idea. Instead of making a statement of faith for our lives, why don’t we make our lives statements of faithfulness?

    A Statement of Faithfulness:

  • We will be born again from above and strive to be filled with the Spirit, as he was filled with the Spirit (John 3:5-8).
  • We will live a life of service, as he lived a life of service (Matthew 20:28).
  • We will lay down our lives to benefit others, as he laid down his life to benefit others (Mark 10:45).
  • We will love God with every fiber of our being, as he loved God (Matthew 22:37).
  • We will love our neighbours in the same measure and fervency as we love ourselves, as he loved his neighbours (Matthew 22:39).
  • We will live out the Sermon on the Mount, as he lived out his own preaching (Matthew 5-7).
  • We will shun religion, as he shunned religion (Matthew 12:1-8).
  • We will salt (preserve) the world, as he salted the world (Matthew 5:13).
  • We will identify with the scum and outcasts of society, as he identified with the scum and outcasts (Luke 7:34).
  • We will agree that anyone not against us is for us, just as he said (Mark 9:40).
  • We will forgive all and hold grudges against none, just as he forgave while being murdered (Luke 23:34).
  • We will assume suffering is normative, just as he assumed it to be normative (John 15:20).
  • We will live simply, just as he lived simply (Matthew 8:20).
  • We will rejoice with the rejoicers and weep with the weepers, just as he was also empathetic (John 11:35).
  • We will make disciples, not converts, just as he made disciples (Matthew 23:15).
  • We will refuse to commercialize or politicize this lifestyle, as Jesus also refused (John 6:15).
  • We will turn no one away, as he turned away no one (John 6:37).
  • We will pray long and hard, as he prayed long and hard (Luke 6:12).
  • After praying, we will serve long and hard, as he served long and hard.
  • We will take and make opportunities to attack injustice and hypocrisy and make things better, as he also did (Luke 11:37-38).
  • We will be Spirit-filled and wild, as he was Spirit-filled and wild (John 3:8).
  • We will make no apologies and will not conform to what the world or what religion demands of us, just as he refused to conform.

    • Instead of working hard to find the right words to explain what we believe, I want to work hard to live out what I believe.

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    June 9, 2010

    When It’s Not a Heart Matter

    Okay, so Jesus is giving his sermon and he says some pretty wild stuff. One of the wild things was that you can be guilty of cheating on your spouse without actually doing anything physical with anyone else. How so? If you do it in your heart, he says, you did it. He says all sorts of other things in the same vein. Jesus focused on the intentions of the heart in a way that revolutionized ethics forever. His cry was not just ‘serve God and help your neighbour.’ It was ‘love God and love your neighbour.’ Wild, eh?

    But is it possible to focus on the heart too much?

    Jesus said, “If someone hits you, let him do it again.” How should we take that? Well, obviously it means that we ought to have an attitude of peace and love even in the face of people who are mean to us. Right? It is, after all, a heart issue. Right? So much of a heart issue, in fact, that I don’t really need to do what Jesus is suggesting here, so long as my heart is in the right place. And the same goes for his idea that we should help thieves rip us off, give to every bum who asks from us and become new people. Right? Right?

    So, give to whoever asks = Have a giving spirit (actual giving optional).
    Don’t retaliate = Have a non-retaliatory heart (and retaliate if you feel the need).
    Be born again = Be willing to become a new kind of person (and it will happen in some intangible, non-real kinda way).
    Love your neighbour in the same way you love yourself = Love him internally (little outward action necessary).

    Does any of this make any sense?

    Can I actually say, when the dude on the street asks me for money, ‘I gave him money in my heart, just like Jesus told me to’? Only if I can say, after being caught cheating on my wife, that I didn’t really do it because I didn’t do it in my heart.

    Not a chance – it’s not just about the heart. When Jesus gathered the people together and separated the accepted from the rejected he didn’t say to the accepted:

    Come, you blessed of my father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you, for I was hungry, and in your heart you gave me food, I was a stranger, and in your heart you welcomed me in…Whatever you did in your heart to the least of these, you did in your heart to me.

    And he didn’t say to the rejected:

    Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels, for I was hungry, and you did not feed me in your heart, I was a stranger, and you did not welcome me in your heart…Whatever you didn’t do in your heart to the least of these, you did not do it to me.

    The focus on the heart was meant to spur us on to deeper good works, not give us a cop-out.

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    June 7, 2010

    Almost Shameless Contest

    I like books and I think people ought to read a lot of them.
    +
    I find it hard to justify owning anything superfluous.
    +
    I own superfluous amounts of books.
    +
    I own a blog that gets very little traffic.
    +
    I’d like more traffic.
    =
    An opportunity for a contest of glory!

    I have made a list of 101 books pulled off my shelf that I deem superfluous. Would you like one? I will hold a contest over the next week in which you will have a decent chance of getting the book of your choice, delivered to your house for free. Sounds like fun, eh? You bet it is. Here’s how you enter:

    For one day, make this your status in your social media of choice (Twitter, Facebook, etc.):

    The Illiterate Scribe is giving away free books! Check it out: http://alturl.com/d78a

    After you make that your status, leave a comment on the blog itself or on the Facebook feed I’ve made for it letting me know that you’ve done it. Then I will collect your name, put it into a hat and pick a random one exactly one week from now (June 14, 2010). If you win, I’ll let you know from the blog and through e-mail and you can tell me which book you want.

    Does this seem shameless? Does it feel like some sort of cyber prostitution to change your Facebook status for gain? Maybe. But we all win, don’t we?

    Here is the excel spreadsheet with the 101 books. If this is successful I’ll do this every month until I run out of books. Enter early for you best chance of winning!

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    June 4, 2010

    The Silent Screams

    Loud.

    Crash.

    Scrabbling for attention.

    We shout and dance and sing, desperate for the eyes of the people around us. We spin and toil, joyless for a reward always in our dreams but never in our hands. We make and break. We buy and break. We break and throw away and nothing is left. More. More. More. And in our noise we forget.

    And the mountain stands silent, silently screaming louder than us all, if only we had the ears to hear her. Naked she stands, behind her veil of cloud and frost. She tries to be shy and quiet, though she knows not how. And in her timid stance she declares the glory of the mover and shaker who pulled her from the ground and stood her on her feet. What does she do that demands our gaze? What work does she accomplish that deserves our wonder? Only that she is.

    Thank you for the music that you need not ears to hear. Thank you for the sights that do not require eyes. Thank you for beauty. Thank you for glory. Thank you for betrothing me to the carver of the mountains and the painter of song.

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    June 2, 2010

    Up, Up and Away

    I’ve been in a few airports in my day. And I’ve loved each and every one. From LHR to KHI. From AUH to YYZ. I love them all. I didn’t know why at first, but I’m starting to understand where my love for airports comes from.

  • They give me a sense of man’s smallness. The sky is so large in the area around an airport. Especially those glorious ones where you have to walk out onto the tarmac to board. Nothing has ever looked so big as that mighty sky, daring us puny creatures to mount it. And so we enter our tiny tin vehicles and beg the air to lift us. And I feel so small as we rise, so fragile as our ship pushes out into that largest of oceans.
  • They give me a sense of man’s ingenuity. Small, but look how clever! With rock from the ground we have fashioned for ourselves heavy machines that lift us high above the ground and send us faster than any bird can fly! How clever! And when I think of the cleverness of my race I cannot help but think about the cleverness of the One who spawned us.
  • They remind me we are all brothers and sisters. Here is a man from Germany, walking past a family from India. There is an old woman from Asia, getting directions from a friendly African. And we are all the same. There are no visible minorities in an airport. We are all the same. We are all the same kind of spirit beast, wandering around in our machines of flesh. There is no ‘us’ and ‘them’. There is only that great and mighty ‘we’.
  • Every day at the airport is a special day. Reunions after long absences. Preparations for travel to exotic places. Adventure. Quests. And everyone around you is on a quest, going or coming. Better than any video game!
  • They feel more real than other places. Why is that? It’s hard to say. The food seems more nourishing, despite its low quality. The air seems richer, though recycled. The things you touch are more solid. The sounds are less ethereal. The people are more human. The machines and more mechanic. I cannot say what it is, but there is something deeply real in airports.
  • They remind me of how everything is transient. You never stay in an airport long. You must always move on. And so it speaks for life. I cannot live in YYZ or KHI, as much as I think I’d like to. I need to board a plane, eventually, and move on. And that thrill of adventure to a higher place is a good thing to be reminded of.
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    May 31, 2010

    Insidious

    The pope was in Portugal a little while ago to give his traditional Mass at Fatima’s Sanctuary. While giving his speech he denounced homosexual marriage and said that it was one of “today’s most insidious and dangerous threats to the common good.”

    Does that get you thinking? It gets me thinking. Here’s what I started thinking:

    What are today’s greatest threats to the common good?

    Here’s the list I brainstormed:

  • Nuclear Proliferation. There are about 22,000 nuclear warheads in the world. Apparently it would only take 500-600 warheads to kill every human on the planet. That’s too bad, eh? And now that wild countries like North Korea, Iran and Pakistan are getting their hands on the things, it seems pretty stressful. It’s a good thing Obama is taking steps to get rid of them, but it still feels like a threat to the common good to have these thing laying around, eh?
  • Extreme Global Poverty. I think I’ve mentioned this one before. 53% of all deaths in the world are hunger-related. That’s 35 million or so. I figure anything that accounts for more than half of all deaths is a hefty threat, don’t you? This is even more threatening than nuclear proliferation, I think. At least the nukes aren’t killing us yet. Hunger is.
  • Religious Violence. 85 people died a few days ago in Pakistan because they prayed in the wrong kind of mosque. I search for words to use against the sorts of people who choose violence to solve religious disagreements. I found the words, but I imagine I’d lose a lot of my audience if I actually used them. They are not nice words.
  • Malice. Ah, malice. That deep, enigmatic urge that drives man to hurt man. Can you imagine what the world would be like without it? I bet it’d be pretty good. Think of all the things that would go away! Violence, passive-agressive stuff, spite, all gone! Malice may be just about the worst urge a person can have. Would you call it a threat to the common good? I should hope so.
  • War. Armed, violent conflict between nations. The only sure outcome of war is dead people. And since war is always on a national level, it’s usually a lot of dead people. And whenever something leads to a lot of dead people, I consider it a threat to the common good, don’t you?
  • Ignorance. Great evil is often born out of ignorance. Some of the textbooks at the school I taught at in Pakistan said that 9/11 was pulled off by Israel in an attempt to get the US to destroy the Muslim world. This, of course, is breeding a new generation of young people who consider the West to be an implacable enemy. This gives birth to Taliban. This sucks.

    • I look at this list, coming just off the top of my ill-informed head, and I find a desire to ask one question of the Pope: “Amid these insidious and dangerous threats to the common good, where does homosexual marriage fit?”

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    May 28, 2010

    Eating Less

    I have a forty minute drive to work. Forty minutes on a good day. Which, to be honest, is most days because I work nights and only creepy vampires like myself are on the highway at 11pm on a weeknight. The drive used to seriously bother me. Inefficient, y’know? Forty minutes of doing nothing. So I started getting audiobooks and throwing them on my phone to listen to. I consumed the entire Harry Potter series (fun), a little less than half of His Dark Materials (dumb) and part two of A Song of Ice and Fire (epic). I figured so much consumption of fiction would help keep my own creative juices flowing. Clever, eh?

    Not so much, it turns out.

    Driving was my only moment of solitude. I live with people and tasks. When I’m at home I’m with the family. When I’m out I’m with friends. When I at the library or work, I have tasks. Only in the car am I alone and idle. And that’s a good thing.

    Creative Benefits of Solitude

  • Your ideas can ferment. Like a fine wine, ideas are never good as soon as they are mixed. They need to sit and grow and mingle within your head. Solitude lets them do this without allowing outside pollutants in.
  • Your mind can rest. Sometimes you’re just too tired to think. A bit of solitude is a break from stress, worry and tasks. And when you rest, you always tend to work better.
  • Your stress can dissipate. Not only can you rest, but when you are alone you can see your stresses a little clearer and they usually tend to get smaller for the seeing. Stress fades when we are not continually reminded of the things to be stressed about.
  • You can hear the Muse. She speaks softly, after all.
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