Matt W Cook

writer.former fundamentalist.christianly fellow

Month: January, 2012

Frost on my Window

Frost on my window
obscuring.
Fractals reaching,
yearning,
stretching without moving.

I cannot see beyond the
beautiful
holy
ice.

But that’s OK.
Sometimes beauty is better than clarity.
And to love is better than to understand.

Thank you for the frost on my window.
For the clouds covering my eyes.

Nothing Resolved

     Here is my list of this New Year’s resolutions:

     As you can tell, my chances for success are high.

     I don’t do resolutions. Historically, they have hurt my chances of doing the things I want to do.

     Here’s what usually happens to people like me: At the dawn of a new year, I write up an admirable list of things I want to accomplish. Stuff about getting into shape, producing something creative and reaching some spiritual milestone. I make an action plan, tell my friends, print some motivational posters and am sprinting off the blocks.

     It goes well for a few weeks. Then, in a sudden, dark moment, I stop caring. I fail once.

     I remember the failure the next day. I still know how it tastes and I cannot shake the knowledge that I failed my resolution. I keep trying for a while, but it’s tainted now. By March, it’s all a memory.

     So I stopped making resolutions. Instead, I create habits.

     Habits grow naturally if you cultivate them. Resolutions, like stone walls, tend to crack.

     To write a book, I don’t sit down and resolve to do it. Instead, I habitually write.

     It started slow. First I’d write a couple times a month. I was never bothered that I didn’t write more because I had not resolved anything. There was no standard to give me guilt. After a while, I was writing a couple times a week. Now I write every single day. The habit has formed. There was no need for resolutions. In fact, had I made resolutions, I would have been depressed in the beginning that I was only writing a few times a month. And that would have weakened my resolve and the goal might have died.

     I generally succeed in the things I want to succeed at. And that’s a special thing. Because most people just dream of the things they want to have in their lives.

     Each and every second is new. January 1st is a date we made up. We might as well call April 16th at 4:34pm the new year. Your new start is whenever you want it to be. Make a new habit.