by MW Cook
…the approximate number of mosquitos in the Pakistani town of Kunri in early fall. Like a good sidekick, he walked down the limb he was on to his dear Shan and told him his revelation. Shan’s attention, however, was elsewhere. You see, a collision at speed of 1 billion miles per hour (which is only possible because Todd is writing this story) has some dramatic effects on the environment. 1 billion miles per hour is actually slightly faster than the speed of light. So for less than a millisecond dear dummy barbjohn was travelling faster than light itself (this is, of course, impossible). Within this split-millisecond a largish force field was erected around barbjohn (this is, of course, impossible). Within this forcefield, as per Einstien’s theories and such, time slowed down to a crawl. From Shan’s, barbjohn’s, and the funny bird/mammel critter’s point of view, the trip and collision took practically no time at all. But from the rest of the world’s perspective, the trip took thousands of years because they we outside of this outlandish and rather improbable forcefield. So by the time the massive explosion struck the tree, mankind had achive self-actualization and had created for themselves a perfect, peaceful, prosperous and pleasurable society in which all were healthly, wealthy and wise. This massive explosion, however, managed to destroy everything outside the cute little forcefield within a million mile radius. So the entire planet was destroyed and the tree and it’s occupants were sent flying out into the dark empty reccesses of space. Shan tried to explain all this to barbjohn and rebuke him soundly for his meddling with quantum physics. By the time barbjohn had enough sense to pretend he had figured it out they noticed that there was a large round planet-like thing in their flight path. Shan began barking orders to the crew, not that there was any crew or flight controls for the crew to use, but mainly because it felt like the right thing to do. They began to brace themselves for a crash landing on this strange, and probably out-landish land.