Matt W Cook

writer.former fundamentalist.christianly fellow

Month: June, 2014

Ten Years of Marriage

I wonder what I’m supposed to write about. What I’ve learned?

As if that’s what marriage is for—learning things.

That’s not to say I haven’t learned anything.

I’ve learned how to listen. I’ve learned how to own different points of view. I’ve learned the awesome power of forgiveness, mindfulness, and red wine. I’ve learned tons of shit.

If there were a test at the end of this marriage, I’d ace it.

I love tests.

But marriage isn’t about learning.

Should I write a defense of marriage?

That’d be fashionable.

But why?

There’s nothing good in marriage itself.

It’s where good and bad can find a place.

I found good. Lots of people don’t.

Marriage isn’t a thing that needs defending.

Heck, it isn’t a thing at all. It’s a convention. A label. Something we made up.

It’s a life-long club for two people.

Most exclusive club around. Our home is our clubhouse. We get to pick all the rules. We do awesome projects, like growing children into existence and perfecting the Nacho. Membership benefits include coronary love, soul-tickling intimacy, raucous sex.

And a friend who won’t quit on me.

No matter how much I change. No matter how much she changes.

So I don’t know what I should blog about on our anniversary.

But ten years ago I stood, pale and shaking, in front of nearly everyone I knew and I made a deal to be Ruth’s live-together, bonk-together, stay-together-until-death-do-us-part friend.

I had no idea what I was in for.

Ten years later, I still have no idea what I’m in for.

Hey Ruth, It’s been fun so far. Wanna keep it up until we die? I’m in if you are.

If I ever start blogging again

Blogging seems presumptuous, doesn’t it? I know everyone is very busy, yet I throw up a page of scribblings for you to read. I assume that whatever I have to say is more interesting, or at least more useful, than whatever else you could be doing with the time it takes to read my 300 words.

Blogging used to be a mission. I had insights I thought were universal. I had insights I thought were salvific. I had a responsibility to share them as best I could, as honestly as I could.

What’s the point of blogging when the mission is over? Does it turn into something petty? Another opportunity to put myself in the centre of attention?

I guess. But it’s not just that. I don’t think it’s even mostly that.

I have seen and heard beautiful things. Ideas and stories that are worth talking about, arguing about. Stories and ideas that make me smile right down into my heart. And more than anything, I want to share. It’s fun to shape these thoughts into text. It’s fun to think that others might read and grow a similar smile. It’s fun to hope that someone could read my words and offer some of their own in return.

If I ever start blogging again, it’s because I’m presumptuous enough to think my scribbles are worth your time. They might not be. But they’re certainly worth mine.