Matt W Cook

writer.former fundamentalist.christianly fellow

Month: June, 2005

Not because of who I am…

I want to do something great. I want my life to count for something. I want to do good.

But there’s a problem with that. I’m not good. I’m not skilled. I’m not a very nice, smart, strong or disciplined person. My greatest affections are weak and my warmest thoughts are cold. I say big things but my heart squeaks small things. My faith and my desires change as the days go by. On top of all this, I’m only going to be around for another 50 years or so, I’m running out of time.

But something stills dwells inside of me. Something that still wants to do something great. Something that hates the thought of God not being seen as great. Something that hates the thought of man going through life and death without ultimate meaning and hope. Something’s there, but I didn’t put it there.

I think I will do something great. I think that wonderful things will happen in my life in these next few years, though none may ever hear about it. I believe that god wants me to do what I’m planning on doing. I think it was His idea in the beginning. And that’s why I think it will all work out. On my own I’m pretty much screwed.

Here’s the thing. I’m trying to do something big. I mean really, really big. Something cosmic and eternal. Something that will last longer than the earth itself. Not only is it big, but it’s rather impossible. There is no real way that I could ever succeed, I’m just not skilled or strong or disciplined or godly enough. But God is. God can do it. God can do anything. God can do anything in this real world that we’re really living in. He’ll do it. He’ll do it all.

I’m off, I’ll try to post again before I leave. I just want to all to know, as you think or pray about us please remember that this is a fool’s errand. This is silly, reckless and a little crazy. But it’ll work. Not because of who I am, but because of what HE’s done. Not because of what I’ll do, but because of who HE is. I think that’s what it means to walk by faith, realize that the crazy, reckless things are only crazy and reckless for people who don’t have God working for them. God’ll do it all.

On we go then.

It’s been a while, but are you surprised?
So much to post about, so little time…I’m not too sure what to say, but stay tuned for a bigger, better post in the near future.

Things have been going great for us here, so much has been done since my last post. We’ve adjusted to this new version of ‘normal’ that dear Joseph has given us, we’ve taken care of his passport and visa so he’s quite ready for Pakistan. We were able to see Levi and Theresa in Toronto while we were running around finishing things at the Pakistani consulate General (wow that was a long day!). So much has gone on and we’ve seen God direct us in beautiful ways. I preached my final sermon at Ridgeville and gave a farewell address (made a few folks cry).

Ruth and I are trying to kick up our discipline level a notch. It turns out that become parents doesn’t automatically give you that, you still have to get it the old-fashioned way.

That’s all I’ve got for tonight, me and Joe are heading down to join mom in bed, good night all!